


here we are, still holding on to this

by whimsicott



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: A little bit of spoilers for early war phase chapters, Azure Moon Route, Established Relationship, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Set between academy phase and war phase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 12:00:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20638823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicott/pseuds/whimsicott
Summary: Maybe Felix needed something more certain to convince him that Sylvain was still here with him.





	here we are, still holding on to this

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a drabble, somewhat different SFW version of this idea over on [twitter](https://twitter.com/egaofantasia/status/1172746792506494976?s=21) but it still refused to leave my mind so I rewrote it... and it became this... 
> 
> Thank you Atan for the beta!

Sylvain could taste the blood of strangers on Felix’s lips when Felix kissed him.

Slowly, the taste spread inside his mouth as with each of the almost forceful, absolutely desperate kisses that barely gave Sylvain time to breathe. Kisses Sylvain so badly wanted to return, each one properly with the same ferocity, but couldn’t quite keep up with. 

Felix had shivered, face red when Sylvain opened the door to the guest room lent out to him at the Fraldarius’ estate. Felix had, without a care, pushed Sylvain who was all bandaged up from recent wounds towards the bed, pressing him down and mounting him.

“Felix,” Sylvain laughed. “You missed me that much?”

“You idiot,” Felix muttered, disregarding Sylvain’s jest as his hands pressed down harder on Sylvain’s chest. “You almost died out there.”

“I’m fine,” Sylvain assured. “I’m here, see.”

He was. The bandages might seem rather excessive this time, but it was because he had received multitudes of shallow wounds that made marks all over his body. Properly disinfected and treated with magic, none of them was a threat to his life.

Still, he didn’t absolutely hate how Felix looked at him with those eyes, unfocused and close to tears. He didn’t want Felix to cry - no, of course not - but the way Felix looked at him at that precise moment took him back to a simpler time. 

A time where Felix cried with ease, held on to Sylvain like nothing else mattered and smelt like the grass of a luxurious garden instead of dirt of a battlefield they weren’t sure they could win.

For a while, Felix stayed there, a shadow of his former self overlaying his expressions.

He looked down to Sylvain, his body trapping Sylvain underneath him, his hands on Sylvain’s chest, feeling his heartbeats. 

Felix was by no means light, but there was something about his weight that comforted Sylvain. He wouldn’t mind, then, to be underneath Felix for the whole day. Wouldn’t mind gazing up at his childhood friend’s familiar face.

Inhale, exhale. He matched his breath to be in steady rhythm with the boy over him. Inhale, exhale, even as Felix lifted his body up and Sylvain almost felt empty without Felix on top of him.

But Felix soon returned, having reached for the bedside cabinet for a vial of oil.

He tilted it against the light, examining its contents. Half-full, as Sylvain could see from where he was lying down.

“Is that what I think it is?” Sylvain gave a half chuckle, half snort, when he noticed it. “Felix, you really do miss me.”

“Shut up,” Felix replied, clicking his tongue.

“I missed you too,” Sylvain teased.

It had been a while since he saw Felix. Since the war began, they had been busy fighting for their respective houses, supporting their fathers’ banners. He couldn’t see Felix everyday like he used to back when they were students at the monastery, and having to hide their kisses from their family and men, much less anything more than that, meant that they barely had time for something like _this_.

For a while, Sylvain thought he was the only one that cared about this. He was the one who Felix would call insatiable in his worse moods after all. But seeing the way Felix took this opportunity made him think that Felix may not be immune to the pains of getting blue-balled.

Or perhaps Felix needed something a little more than _I’m here_ and _I’m okay_ from Sylvain.

Sylvain wasn’t sure which he would rather believe in.

He reached up to Felix and brushed a strand of loose hair behind Felix’s ears, watching as Felix’s expression softened ever so slightly at the gesture. He smiled, as he pulled Felix down for another kiss.

This time it was he who kissed with an almost frightening ferocity. Each kiss assuring Felix of everything he could tell Felix; that he missed him, that he was here, that he was not leaving Felix like Glenn did. Like Dimitri did. Like their teacher did.

Each kiss drowning in the taste of dirt and blood that seemed to follow Felix everywhere since the war began.

When they parted, Felix’s lips were a little puffed up and pulled into a frown.

Sylvain chuckled.

“Here, give me that bottle,” he said, reaching out for the bottle Felix held on to all this time, even as his hands pressed against Sylvain’s chest, letting Sylvain feel the cold hard glass against him while they shared kisses that could only be described as warm.

Felix grumbled inaudibly, but he handed the bottle to Sylvain anyway.

With the bottle in his hand, Sylvain made a quick work of Felix’s pants, sliding them off his lover’s body to reveal Felix’s member. Felix blushed slightly at how he was suddenly exposed, but he made no effort to cover himself up.

Instead, he lifted up the hems of his coat so Sylvain could see him more clearly.

“Come a little closer?” Sylvain asked.

Felix sighed, but while still holding up his coat, he shifted himself over.

“This is a bad idea,” he chided, legs struggling against his pants as he came closer to Sylvain’s face. “You just made it really hard for me to move because you did this out of order.”

“Sorry,” Sylvain smiled. “But I just thought about seeing you.”

Felix rolled his eyes.

“I can’t believe there were real people that fell for that shit.”

Sylvain didn’t bother pointing out that Felix, despite his complaints, was still half naked in front of him.

He had learnt ages ago that Felix showed everything through his actions more than his words anyway. And as good as Sylvain fancied himself to be with words, he too, knew how to answer to Felix with action. He poured a gratuitous amount of oil on his right hand, slicking it against his fingers. 

It was a task that took little enough concentration that he could notice Felix shuddering at the sight.

He smiled to Felix in return for that, holding back any further words, at least for the second. Good choice, he thought, because even silence earned him an annoyed huff from Felix.

Sylvain tossed the bottle beside him and then he brought his right hand back around Felix, finding his partner’s hole. Tentatively, he inserted his middle finger.

It was met with enough resistance he frowned.

“It’s been a while,” Felix said, his voice gruff. But his face had reddened further from just one finger inside of him, the hands holding on to the hems of his coat shaking.

“It really has,” Sylvain said sadly. “But you’ve to relax a little.”

“Whose fault is it I’m so tense now?” Felix grumbled back. “_Someone_ who jumped in front of me out of nowhere?”

“Me,” Sylvain replied with a quiet laughter. 

His left hand then moved to Felix’s member. Even though Sylvain hadn’t spread oil on his left hand as he did his right, it was slightly slick from opening the bottle itself. He slicked the oil up Felix’s still-limp length, and moved to jerk his partner off.

With the middle finger of his right hand in Felix’s ass and his left hand jerking Felix off, it didn’t take long for Felix’s member to be half hard in his hand. Felix let out a couple of stifled moans in the process, sounds Sylvain so desperately wanted to draw out of Felix right away but he knew he had to be patient with. While this happened, his middle finger began to move much more comfortably inside Felix, a sign that it was alright for him to insert a second digit inside Felix.

“Fuck,” Felix cursed as he felt Sylvain’s index finger inside of him. “You’re slow.”

“You’re _tight_,” Sylvain retorted, suddenly thankful for his decision 10 minutes ago to not let Felix prepare himself.

Felix’s chest heaved with each stroke of Sylvain’s hand on his member. His body shuddered whenever Sylvain almost hit his spot with his fingers. 

But Felix wasn’t ready yet.

Sylvain added in a third finger when he felt Felix was comfortable enough, stretching and scissorings his fingers inside Felix.

“I’m not made of glass,” Felix said. 

His dick was hard in Sylvain’s hand now.

Felix moved to remove Sylvain’s hand from him, and the empty feeling of no longer having Felix on him almost made Sylvain feel a little lonely, if it wasn’t for Felix’s eyes on him.

Reaching for the bottle beside Sylvain first, Felix then inched back. Then, just as he was above Sylvain’s cock, he undid Sylvain’s pants, letting Sylvain’s erect cock out of its fabric constraints.

“Looks like you miss me more,” Felix said coolly. 

“I’m not even going to deny that,” Sylvain grinned.

He won this round, for those words caused Felix to hang his mouth wide open, only snapping it shut after a few seconds.

Felix drew those pretty lips into a frown.

He huffed, but said nothing as he poured the rest of oil onto his own hand. It was his turn to stroke Sylvain’s cock, slicking it up with the oil. 

“Fuck,” Sylvain swore at the sudden jolt of pleasure that came from Felix’s slick, hot hand against his member. His hands grasped at the bedsheet beside him.

This earned him a satisfied smirk from Felix. A satisfied smirk that was annoying as fuck, but one that Sylvain would rather have on Felix’s face than all the times in the last five years where Felix was pained instead.

The first time they had done this, Felix had insisted that he was better at hand jobs than Sylvain. While Sylvain couldn’t remember what had led to such a conversation, he couldn’t deny that Felix was right.

Felix’s hand was rough from sword training. And now with the war, they were scarred as well, from Felix’s countless battles.

But almost nothing felt better against Sylvain’s cock. Almost nothing was as good as the way Felix moved his hand on Sylvain’s length with a ridiculous level of expertise.

He could come, right there, but Felix pushed down on the head of his member to remind him that something better was yet to come. 

When Felix felt satisfied enough, he let go of Sylvain’s now hard cock, erect to its full length.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Sylvain asked.

“You can’t hold on further than this,” Felix pointed out.

Without waiting for Sylvain to respond again, Felix lowered himself on Sylvain’s cock, taking a deep breath as the head entered him. Slowly, he pushed down further while steadying himself, his hands pressing down on Sylvain’s abdomens. 

He shuddered as he finally took the whole length. Heaved his chest once more and looked down to Sylvain.

“I’m going to move soon,” he announced.

“Anytime,” Sylvain replied. 

When he said almost nothing felt as good as Felix’s hand around his cock, it was almost because Felix’s _ass_ around his cock felt straight out divine. Even with them still like this, he couldn’t help but to revel in how tight and hot Felix was.

He watched as Felix got himself used to his size, as Felix brushed back another messy strand of hair.

Then, slowly, Felix raised himself up. 

Slowly up, then down again to the base of Sylvain’s cock much faster. 

Felix began to fuck himself on Sylvain’s cock, and Sylvain couldn’t take his eyes off him. This was always Sylvain’s favourite position to be in - below Felix, watching his lover ride him. Watching all the messy strands find their way back to frame Felix’s face as Felix moved up and down. Watching the movements on Felix’s chest and the way Felix’s body flushed red.

Watching Felix want him so desperately.

He moved his hand to Felix’s cock, stroking Felix to the rhythm that Felix set. Thrusting his hips to meet Felix’s speed.

“Sylvain,” Felix said, calling his name roughly, a soft whimper and moan at the end of the _n_. “S-sylvain.”

“I’m here,” Sylvain said. “Promise.”

Felix closed his eyes, concentrating on Sylvain’s cock inside of him. Concentrating on Sylvain’s hand on his member.

Sylvain sped up his stroking of Felix’s cock then, and almost competitively, Felix sped up his own movements. Their dance was a fast-paced affair, a desperate affair, one that should be over so quickly yet they stretched on, wanting to be with the other longer, wanting to be like this longer.

Biting down his lower lip roughly, Felix came in Sylvain’s hand spilling his seeds all over Sylvain’s bandaged abdomens and chest.

Sylvain followed not long after, coming inside of Felix with Felix’s name on his lips.

For a while, they stayed still, nothing but the sounds of their breath filling the room.

It was Sylvain who made the first move after, pulling Felix close until Felix’s chest way lying on his own. He looked directly to Felix with a tired smile before stealing a kiss. 

A soft, quiet kiss to end the mess that they were.

The mess they would still be tomorrow, marked with dirt of battlefields, of blood belonging to others.

This was a temporary solace, Sylvain knew.

But in it, he let himself drown.

In it, he dragged Felix in to drown with him.


End file.
